I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
