i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
