So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
