We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
