that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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