I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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