We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
