She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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