She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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