toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
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Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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