i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
