My Higher Power is John Stamos
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
A bitchslap is in order.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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