I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
