True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
