Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
