last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
