there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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