Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
