I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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