Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
