i need an iv and a liver transplant
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
