Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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