Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
