if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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