Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
