Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
