we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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