We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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