It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
