We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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