Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
