i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
