i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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