Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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