we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Boobs are out for the taking
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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