i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
