Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
