what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Drunk is not a location!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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