According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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