when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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