I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
