Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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