How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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