well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
