So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
