Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
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Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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