Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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