i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
