So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
