i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
