woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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