i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
