16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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