I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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