we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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