I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
