This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
