So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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