I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
this hospital has no fireball
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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