Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
