The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I did not marry a roomba.
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