Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
