Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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