he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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