Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
