We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
