i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
