I'm so fucking centered right now
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
