Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
