i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I will pee on everything he values.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
