I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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