How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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