: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
