Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
