Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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