I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
