His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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