Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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