just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
