Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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